“Skin Illuminates At Night,” Alaskan Man Shares About Cell Tower On Property

In a remote corner of Alaska, where the Northern Lights dance across the sky, one man has found himself glowing in a rather unexpected way. Meet Ronald Lawrence, the 37-year-old Alaskan whose skin illuminates at night, thanks to a cell tower installed on his property.

Ronald first noticed the peculiar phenomenon a few months after the tower was erected. “At first, I thought it was just my imagination,” he said. “But nope, my skin was actually glowing. It’s pretty handy when the power goes out. I don’t need a flashlight anymore.”

The federal government, horrified by Ronald’s condition, sent a team of researchers to investigate. However, the study was abruptly halted when the researchers themselves began to glow. “It was like a bad sci-fi flick,” one of them admitted. “We had to bail before we all turned into human glow sticks.”

Ronald’s dentist, Dr. Wendell M. Castor, has also noticed the benefits of his patient’s unique condition. “Ronald has become my favorite patient,” Dr. Castor claims. “I can actually see what I’m doing for once. I’ve begun to like my job-and people-again. But probably not for long.”

Despite the unusual side effects, Ronald remains unfazed. “Sure, my skin glows, and I might be a walking radiation hazard, but hey, free cell coverage!” he said with a shrug. “The health effects? Worth it. Plus, it’s a killer icebreaker at parties.”