Eating “Healthy” Linked To Bouts of Rage 

Recent findings have exposed a maddening link between so-called “healthy” eating and a spike in lawless lunacy. That’s right, the self-righteous salad-eaters are now the new outlaws, with a bizarre rise in thefts – and not just any thefts, but the audacious stealing of catalytic converters. It’s as if the more spinach they shove down their throats, the more they want to dismantle your car.

Forget about monsters under the bed; the real terror lies in the produce aisle. Study participants were seen screaming their lungs out at the mere sight of fruit. It’s as if every strawberry and peach were mocking them, pushing them to the brink of a nutritional nervous breakdown. The fruit bowl has become a bowl of fury, and it’s absolutely bananas!

Imagine the horror: a grown adult, reduced to tears, not by some profound tragedy, but by the absence of a greasy burger and fries. One participant’s meltdown over the deprivation of fast food was so intense, it was like watching a vegan vampire starved of blood. The study room echoed with his anguished cries for a Big Mac – a pitiful testament to the torturous power of too many salads.

It’s not just the young ones who are losing their cool; the over-40 crowd is absolutely livid. These men, once the epitome of stoic stability, are now flying off the handle after a single bite of a carrot stick. Their quality of life has nosedived, leaving them seething with resentment. Who knew that a diet could turn a mild-mannered man into a ticking time bomb of temper?